…HE STRANGLED ME UNTIL BLOOD GUSTED OUT FROM EARS – VICTIM
In this chilling but fierce interview, Olivia (her pseudo name for security reasons) explains to OKOSUN DENNIS, her narrow escape from the jaws of death orchestrated by her husband, who desperately wanted her dead.
Her marriage was a piece of hell on earth. She was battered, bruised, dehumanized and tortured by a man she loved so much – having married him at 20 years – the train of a blissful marriage began.
Paradoxically, the institution crumbled like dusty sands in a cyclone. The rest are pieces of narration that formed this heart-rending story of a relationship that failed. Excerpts
You look angelic. Who is Olivia?
I am Olivia and got into marriage in 2007 to a young man. Everything went splendid – smooth and sweet – until my mother-in-law sneaked into my matrimonial home and the relationship nosedived. I became pregnant when the mum came. From one month, she stayed till the fourth month, and eventually became monstrous. A demon that went wild!
How?
Like a joke told by kids, she started: “I don’t want my son to be married to somebody that is too exposed, rather, I want my son to go to my village and get a wife.”
Really, exposed as what …?
I summoned courage and asked her: “Why didn’t you advise him ever since then? She replied: “Eh! My son said that you can give him good children with good morals…” She responded.
All of a sudden, she became antagonistic. If I prepare a meal for my husband, she would also make her own and would convince my husband to eat hers and leave mine. It kept on going on until I confronted my husband and told him: “if you keep on eating your mum’s food, you will eat his food all the days of your life. Why should I make food for you and it will not be eaten and wasted? It hurts!
Done with the food aspect, anytime she noticed I was with my husband as a wife would do, especially while in the room, she would barge in and call my husband: “Bobo, come, come. What is she telling you? She would digress from her initial question and asked: “What happened in the office today? This was just to distract him and not to have time for me. Again, she warned me to stop calling him pet names when she realized that I loved calling my husband, “Honey.”
What pet name did she recommend or prefer?
She preferred I call my husband “Uncle.” It wasn’t easy as my husband had to stop calling me pet names too. He calls me, “Mummy Favour at home; and “Wifey” or “babe” in the church or outside. I wasn’t comfortable with the whole thing.
How old were you when you got married?
I was 20 years old. I got pregnant the same month I got married.
Was there a courtship before marriage?
Yes. We courted briefly; did Traditional, White and Court marriages.
How long did the courtship last?
It didn’t last for too long. The reason being that I was an International model. He got my number through my manager having seen me in our magazine and professed love. Our magazine had my status and thought the number there was mine but it was my Manager’s. He started giving so much money to my manager to have access to me I later learnt. Eventually, I came to Nigeria and coincidentally, it was my birthday. While celebrating my birthday, which was also his birthday month, my Manager invited him. That was how we met and my manager introduced him to me and we became just friends.
Before he saw your pictures in the magazine, what was your profession?
I was modelling for a private sector business for its products and so many things. It wasn’t the runway model but strictly for products. I had a contract with Venus and later PZ. I noticed he was working with Orange Drugs then.
What happened after?
Sometimes, when we lay asleep, the mother would sneak into the room to find out what we were doing. I told my husband about it and complained about not having my privacy. However, one fateful night, he was bold to ask the mother: “Why are you always sneaking into our room? She responded: “I wanted to come and check if there is a mosquito biting you? I intoned: “Our baby is there, you are not checking her body, is your son you are checking? After that, she warned the son not to make love to me again.
What kind of attention was she asking for?
I really do not know oh!
Really?
After one month, he invited my mother to come and spend some time with us. She came. However, the presence of her mother scared my Mum. When his mother would start manipulating things, my mum would burst into tears instead. I will console my mum and myself. However, one fateful day, I went to the hospital with my daughter for immunization and came back to meet serious commotion at home. I learnt my mum was eating and my mother-in-law went to where she was eating, took the broom and pretended she was dusting/cleaning invisible cobweb that never was. As a result, some dirt and particles fell into her food including part of the paint on the ceiling.
Your Mum?
She went inside the living room to lay on the long couch.
She left the food?
Yes. She went to her again and ordered her to leave what she wanted to sweep.
What happened?
Eventually, my mother-in-law didn’t sweep. Rather, she turned all the chairs upside-down, and left the house to her friend’s place while my mum went outside and stayed until I came back.
Your reaction?
I snapped everything and waited for my husband. When he confronted her, she shouted at him that I had charmed my husband.
Why do you think she suspected you hypnotized him?
She said the son was no longer paying attention to her. Secondly, I love perfume so much and one of the bottles was laced with charms.
How many children do you have then?
I had just a daughter and she wasn’t even up to a year old.
What about your mother?
My mother-in-law asked the son to chase her out of the house where she was staying in Agege.
As these played out, did you talk to someone else?
I did. When I noticed the marriage wasn’t working, I complained to his godfather whom he respects so much. I brought it to his notice and our best man during the wedding; who happens to be his best friend. I also told the pastor that we wedded us.
What happened after that?
The pastor called both of us and he promised to change, even though he said he doesn’t know what was wrong with him. I also arranged a meeting with the best man, the godfather and another friend of his, who showed the magazine that he would marry me. Of course, that was how I got to know!
During the meeting…?
I told them to help me ask my husband what the issue was because my marriage was nosediving. I offered to knell down for forgiveness if I wronged him. However, they did their best but nothing worked out.
After that, what transpired?
He said the only thing that would make the marriage work is for me to provide money to build a house. I told him my business has a lot of challenges and asked: how do we do it? He suggested we cut our expenses and I concurred.
What was he doing then?
He was neither working nor doing anything.
Was he sacked or retrenched?
I later found out that he was a beautiful liar. At first, he claimed to be on leave until I asked: “This leave is getting too long? He opened up and said, “I was relieved of my job.”
How much was he looking at?
He wasn’t specific! I started giving him as from N200,000 and the highest was N1.5m. One day, I calculated about N2.8m and at that point, I demanded to see the house.
Did he show you the house?
I got a rude shock! He snapped someone’s else house to show me. I was excited the house had progressed. When he requested for additional cash, I insisted on seeing the physical house. He told me I can’t see it now.
Which year?
2014/15
You left it there?
No, he used to go there on Saturdays. One day, immediately he left, I trail him and got to the place only to discover that nothing was done. I wept, ran to the church to tell them what had happened. I was advised not to give him money again.
House abandoned?
No, we moved into the house like that while work continued.
Nature of the house?
It was a bungalow. The day we were to move in, he vanished. I did the parking alone and moved in.
Welcome address?
After two weeks, he woke me up to say, I want to let you know that this is our house. I know you own 90% of the money spent but don’t let anybody know.
Did anybody moved in with you?
No. My mum left just as his mum except both of us. He warned me: “I want you to know that this is not a rented apartment, I can beat and kill you here, nothing will happen. I froze and asked: “Are you kidding me? A joke or what?
Before you left your former house, was he attacking you physically?
Yes, he attacked me several times.
How?
My daughter was two months old when he started beating me. One fateful night, he normally went out to drink and came back between 12-1am. Even when I was pregnant, he would ask me to sit outside alone until he came back so that the gate would not be locked.
Outside the gate!
Yes, outside the compound totally.
That night!!
I got fatigued and he carried the baby and dropped her on the bare floor and had access to hit me and my neighbour challenged him.
Was the beating gentle?
Hum! I almost passed out. The beating continued to the extent I couldn’t bear it any longer.
What particular thing instigated him?
According to him, nothing. Painful enough, he would beat me with bruises and lacerations on my body and would force me to have sex with him later. I called it rape rather than love making.
Was there any happy moment?
Sometimes, we could have like two hours of happy times and would use that opportunity to ask him: “What is actually the problem and I don’t like you hitting me? Gush! He would reply: “shebi you think say you are too fine, you be a model, I want to spoil this your beautiful face.” He has repeatedly said that more than five times.
…and you kept quiet?
No, I told my parents about it.
Was that all?
He said the second thing is since I married you, you have been the one who gave me money. Rather, I should be the one giving you.
I see something wrong. A man beats a woman and forces her to bed…?
Almost immediately. He doesn’t wait till night.
Did you at any point deny him?
Only God can bear me witness. I wasn’t. It was when we moved to our house, he got another job. As an accountant, they keep records but not money. Incidentally, the MD of the company handed some cash to him and he squandered it. From the house to his office, it was N150 fare then. He stopped coming to the house. Unknown to me that he was having an affair with the MD’s Secretary. He got her pregnant and aborted the pregnancy.
Nemesis?
After five months, the MD realized the N1.3m kept with him developed wings. The man got him and the Secretary arrested and tortured him for days.
Did you look for him?
Yes, I did. If I call, he would tell me that he was at work. The man threatened to come to the house to seize everything. That was when I knew something was wrong.
How did you know?
A friend of his ran to the house to say I should park my bus somewhere and remove some valuables. It was when I asked why he told me about his arrest.
You had a ‘fanago’ bus?
Yes, I used it for business.
Did you take any action?
I asked him if something happened he never wanted to call me? At that point, I just concluded: “If he is not a good husband, he should be a good father to the children. I called my lawyer and made two other contacts. They got him released with the bruises. He thanked me and I told him, I just want us to be peaceful. I thought that would be a reason for him to change, but he didn’t.
After his detention, was there any change?
He became a good husband for one week. The following week, he went for a search for a job. If I keep money, he will take it. I pleaded we run our business together as it was lucrative. He refused but insisted he wanted to travel to Cotonou, Republic of Benin for greener pasture. I explained to him to stay here and do business with little capital. He requested for huge sums of money to travel and I told him I don’t have such money. Eventually, I parted with N150,000 cash.
Did he travel?
Travel to where? He didn’t but lodged in a hotel with his girlfriend.
Really! How did you know?
Fortunately, my neighbour’s moulds block for sale. One day, he asked me: “When did you see your husband last? I told her he travelled to Cotonou. He thundered: “Which Cotonou? He said go to a so-so and so hotel, your husband is there. I went there and truly, I saw him.
You traced him!
Yes
What did you do?
I didn’t confront him because he might attack me. I saw him with a lady crossed her legs resting on his lap in a romantic mood. I actually disguised wearing a Yoruba hijab not knowing I was the one. I took some snap shots of both of them and went away.
You wanted him to be a responsible husband. You gave him money to relocate, rather he eloped with a lady, you traced and saw them. How did you feel when you saw the ugly scene?
If I say I felt bad is an understatement. I was so broken and downcast. I died a million times inside of me. I couldn’t control my tears, I wept. I cried till I got home. But because I didn’t want the children to know, I tried to manage the situation.
Managing such a situation could come with adverse health challenges. Where are you so blessed?
I had health issues. Even before we moved to our house, he stopped having affairs with me. For two years, we hadn’t sex.
How old were you then?
I was 22 years old. I never had sex again until I was 26 years old.
As a woman, what was coping like?
Were you hurt by the ill-treatment?
Inside me, it wasn’t easy. It was difficult but I couldn’t open up to tell anybody. The deja Vu was when something like a small purse came out of my body. It wasn’t painful though but the more I tried to take care of it, the more it resonated. I ran to the hospital and explained to the doctor and she asked my husband. I told her, he wasn’t in town. He said, the age you are, you only need a man to be meeting you. I couldn’t tell him what really happened. He said ma, “so long I don’t want to mislead you, you need to learn how to masturbate; it would calm your nerves and it will help you. To corroborate that, I listened to a radio programme one day and picked a number. I called the lady and she gave the same advice. She said masturbation has a spirit but that is the only advice than sleeping with another man.
Did you masturbate?
Yes, I did it and it really helped me. After the first two years, I masturbated for another two years making it four years without love making. No man touched me. We were no longer sleeping on the same bed. Even though I tried to get to his bed, he would give me a serious warning. I had to accept my fate and take my mind off it. In fact, everything in me as a woman died. I no longer have any feelings even after I stopped masturbating.
Was it rekindled again?
Yes. Later on, after four years and seven months, I had broken up with him, left the vicinity, and went somewhere to start up my life, I ran into a relationship that was just difficult.
Before you broke up, what happened?
He tried to take my life because of the property. It was only God that spared me. To him, he thought I had died.
Take your life!
Yes.
How?
The first attempt was when I lost sanity. I never knew what happened but could remember I used to fight and struggle with some voices and forces. I will be walking on the street and hear some voices. “Pull your clothes, pull your clothes. Enter the gutter and all sorts of incomprehensible voices.” I started doing some abnormal things. As these continued, some people noticed it and grabbed me, and I found myself in the Celestial Church. After three days, I asked: “What am I doing here?
Who took you there?
I don’t know.
It was on the street the good Samaritan picked you?
Yes, on the street displaying strange behaviours.
How long were you there?
Four days before I was left to go home.
You became well?
Yes, I became normal. In my missed calls, I saw several calls from a pastor friend. When I called back, he said I should pray against madness. Wow!! I smiled.
Where you told anything?
Yes, Cele people told me that he (my husband) took water somewhere he sprinkled in the house. They instructed me to mop the house and be observant. Behold, I saw water in a container mixed with oil and with funny perfume. I called the prophetess what I saw. She said it will not have any effect on me. After that, I woke up one day and realised that I could no longer walk.
Walk!
Yes, walk. I was crippled for two weeks and couldn’t walk. If I am not carried, I will piss or defecate on myself.
Who was now helping you?
My friend’s younger sister. She was the one carrying me and doing everything. It was prayers from one church to another until I regained my hands and legs.
At that point, where was your mother, his mother and your husband?
My mother had left. I was communicating with my sister because my mother is a High Blood Pressure patients and there were certain things we hide from her. The mother wasn’t staying with us again. Sometimes, she goes to see the children.
Later, you became completely fine!
It was just for sometimes before he sent leg cancer. It marvelled me.
How and how was it sent?
It was when I got to treatment home that I learnt the leg cancer is being bought for as low as N50. I was told it’s like a powder that they bought and when they blow it on someone entrance and passes it, he/she automatically contacts it.
Is it traditional?
Yes, like powder. Under three days, life became hellish. My leg was so big that I almost died.
Where you still living in the same house?
Yes, but he has moved out but comes only on Sundays. Anytime he comes, he doesn’t talk to me or accepts my greetings. Some months later, I became fine.
Was the treatment also traditional?
Yes. The lady collected N170,000. My father asked me to leave but I told them no because it was my house and sweat.
Was any peace brokered?
My family requested for a meeting and he fixed a date and time. My elder sister came from the village; one from Uyo and the other Enugu. Everybody had gathered and waited for him from 2pm till 6pm when he walked in.
But he eventually showed up?
Yes, he did alone without his family members and said he has changed his mind and will hold the meeting in two months. My family challenged him that even though he has no regards for his wife, he should respect them. He said he has spoken and walked out.
Walked out!
Yes, he walked out.
At that point, what did you do?
My uncle said I should leave and I told him if I must leave, I will sell the house. I was amazed to realize that he has seized the documents and my international passport.
After all these brouhaha and diabolical attacks, where there other physical attacks?
Yes, he do hit me and there was a day, I was tired and I told him if he hits me again, I would fight back with everything in me. He attempted to strangle me.
Strangle you?
Yes, it was raining and he said he wanted to make love to me as he always forces himself on me anytime he wants to make love to me. I was just on wrapper and lay down on the bed. He came to the room, jumped on me and started strangling me.
Just like that?
Yes oh!! He strangled me to a point that blood started gushing out from my ears but somebody saved me.
(…paused) he showed the pictures of the injuries, blood gushing from the ears
You had a cut?
No. He strangled me until blood came out from my ears. For several months, I couldn’t hear.
How?
I was struggling to get myself freed from his entanglement. He intentionally wanted to kill me. For a year, I couldn’t twist my neck.
How where you able to come out of it. Who saved you?
A lady who wanted to buy a drink, took a shelter at our car park because it was raining. As she was there, she heard me shouting. She traced the sound, looked through the window and saw me being strangled. She came out and started screaming and that was how people came out and rescued me. Before they could grab him, he ran out and didn’t see him for some time.
Was there any report to the police?
No. My pastor convinced me to go to the police but when I got there, I thought about the years he would spend in prison if convicted. I thought about what will I tell the children I jailed their father?
How do you describe a husband that wanted to kill you, strangled and blood came from the ears and by stroke of luck, a good Samaritan rescued you and you still had that human kindness for that person. Was it because of love for him or the love for the children?
I am still asking myself the question. I would say that is the way I am wired. I do tell my friends I don’t like the way I am created. I am a person that if I like you, I would tolerate you to a fault.
Before marriage, what attracted you to him?
Funny enough, before I got married to him, I had four suitors. In my mentality, I thought this guy is calm. He looked so gentle and calm. Others were already made. My intention was let’s go with this one and build our lives together. He wasn’t handsome like others; he wasn’t rich like others or more educated like others. Those were my silly reasons I went into the relationship.
So, having gone through these, will you say you had wrong judgment or it was just met to be?
I now realized for you to get into a relationship leading to marriage, there are four things. I pen down 12 to 15 things.
What are those things?
The first thing is love. When you truly love somebody, you will live above that person’s fault; a man who is ready to tolerate your flaws; a man who will understand you and tolerate etc.
Did you file for divorce?
Yes I did. But he went to my village to beg. In fact, he spent the night in my house in the village. I served him divorce letter after consultation with my lawyer. He neither signed not returned the papers. He seized it. I stayed another six months without any positive response. I asked him for the papers, he said he was still studying it.
Who is charge of your house now?
I left there two weeks later. I later learnt he wanted to sell the house. I called the “Baale” who warned him against it. He made attempts thrice but couldn’t get the right price. For two years now, I have not heard anything about him and the house.
You haven’t been there either?
No
Did you make any attempt to sell it?
No
Have you been there?
No, since I left there in 2017.
You have two kids? How are they?
They are fine. The girl is 15 while the boy is 13 years old.
Who is taking care of their wellbeing?
I am the one doing all. Even when we were married, I am the one taking care of their feeding, clothing and school fees. If he paid fees at all, that was when they were in the primary school. Maybe two times. I started paying my daughter fees from Primary two till in SS 3. I paid for their Senior and Junior WAEC
As teenagers, how do they feel?
It wasn’t easy! My daughter loves her dad so much and when I left, it was not easy coping with her. As an introvert, it was not easy with her but I made her understand the situation of things. I took them not because I had so much but wanted the best for them before they end up becoming houseboy or girl for someone. However, I made them watch one or two movie that has a scenario like that. In between, I will ask them: “Would you like to go through a situation like that?
Are they calling him either on phone or any other means?
No, they are not. When my daughter wanted to write Junior WAEC three years ago, I went to my uncle to call him that I wanted to let him know to take responsibility of the children. He called him and put him on speaker. Unknown to him that I was there, he asked him: “When did you hear from your wife and kids? He retorted: “Which wife? I am not married to your sister again oh! I have not heard from them and not interested in calling anybody oh! Since she went with the kids, I will not ask of them but when she is tired of them, she will returned them and when he grab them, I will never see them again. My uncle told him that my daughter wanted to write WAEC and he replied, “if he can’t pay, she should return the kids.”
Throughout this time, was there any attempt by any of his family member – brother, mother – to reach you for settlement?
Nobody.
How have you being coping?
I had to deny myself a lot of things – cut excesses just to cope. They are in private schools and just moving on. People even thought my husband is abroad. I don’t discuss marriage with anyone and just fine. God has been faithful. Before I left his house, I stayed for five years without sex. It wasn’t easy though! After I left my house and relocated, I was scared of everybody. I tried a relationship, the moment I recalled what I had gone through, I will be scared and angry thinking he is the same man – I don’t want – I became scared. The trauma was too much. I found out that the line between sanity and insanity is a slime one. Sometimes, I will be so heart-broken and seems I am seeing him. Any man that comes close to me, I see his face in him.
What is your love life now?
My love life is fine. I want to try a relationship but scared. Hopefully, if all things works together, I think I will smile again.
Any property confiscated by him?
Yes, he sold two of my vehicles. The first I bought, I used his name, the second, I used Mr and Mrs and the third, I used only my name. He sold the first and the second without letting me to know. When I knew, he said he used the money for the house.
Any advise for younger girls wanting to go into marriage?
When parents say no, be very careful. You may go out for 10 years, the moment you get married, he may see you differently. There are so many things that go into marriage. It is more than wearing the ring, gown and other attractions. When you want to go into the boxing ring, you have to be ready.
Where you compelled?
I would say yes. I wasn’t ready. Not by my parents but by two women. One of them said: “My pikin, as you bi like flower, everybody wan touch you. Why not pick one of them?
Hum!
The real issue was my own choice. I had three other suitors. One of them is now a pastor, the second is now in Dubai and the third in UK.
Based on what you have gone through, do you regret not marrying any of them?
No, I don’t have any regret not marrying any of them because it was strictly my decision. Pressure from a sister who reminded me of another sister that missed her chance when suitors came for her, was one of those things that made me make that mistake.
Were you not attractive enough to the extent that he had to go after other women and maltreated you the way he did?
He was being hypnotized by the mother. To be honest with you, he was a loving and caring man but the mother was the brain behind all of these.
Can you paint a scenario?
When I was pregnant for my second child, he breezed in one Saturday and met me laying on the bed. He asked some funny questions and when I slept, he took my husband’s suit trousers and left. After one week, he came back. She folded the trousers and hid it inside a bag behind the door where we kept nylon. Before my husband knew it, she had gone. When my husband wanted to go get something, he found the trousers inside the nylon.
Did he call her?
Yes, he did but refused to pick the call. In the church, he was told not to wear the trouser because it has been polluted.
Did he wear it?
No, he didn’t.
What happened to the trousers?
We tried to burn it, it refused to burn. We poured kerosine and petrol, it refused to burn. We had to cut it into pieces and buried it.
What is your perspectives of mother-in-law?
I used to hear different stories about mother-in-law. For the fact that I met a bad mother-in-law doesn’t mean that every mother-in-law is bad. There are still so many good mothers-in-law out there. My prayers for the good ones is not to make mistake. I was just too unlucky to have met the wrong person. When you do, you will know that hell is real. If the family of your husband doesn’t accept you, go back. Also, when you enter into any family, don’t segregate. Show sincere love and care.
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